um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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