we have pet lesbian snakes
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
