Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
