I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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