What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
