tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
