6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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