just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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