I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
