hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize