Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
