So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize