you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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