Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
