Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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