I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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