i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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