You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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