I CAN MOONWALK!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
