Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We have so much sex to catch up on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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