Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
