YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
