I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
