she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
