the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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