You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
