I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
