She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
