We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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