spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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