too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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