i already hear my dad disowning me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
