ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
