whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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