Don't you send me to vm
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
