I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
