i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
