I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
