Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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