The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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