You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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