I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
