Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
