He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
