I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
