look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize