I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just tell him i said nine months
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize