its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize