A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
