there was a trapeze. enough said
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he had hair everywhere except his balls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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