He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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