quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
