I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
