Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
