Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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