Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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