Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize