They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
