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i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
