It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
