well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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