I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
