I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
PANTIES FOUND
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
