Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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