I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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