Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
