Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
