Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
