I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
