if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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