she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
