i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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