Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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