she was so not down for the gang bang
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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