there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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