Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
