happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
