I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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