My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
