Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
