I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Shame - the story of my life.
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