My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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