just tell him i said nine months
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
