Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
