i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
