Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
