I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
