Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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