you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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