Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
