Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
