You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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