Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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