I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
