youre lurking in front of me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
