# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We are all done wearing pants today
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
