I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
