party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am mentally ready for anal.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
