My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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