so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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